Win A Pageant

173: How to Be More Confident – The 2 Components to Confidence

Today, let’s talk about confidence! Specifically, how you can become more confident preparing for your pageant. So confidence, as you know, is wildly important for pageant women, because in order to win your pageant, you have to be able to portray that confidence. And confidence is actually made up of two pieces, and these two pieces are required in order for you to have the best confidence when you walk out on stage. So in this video, I’m going to share with you what those two specific things are, and what you can do to make sure you get them before your pageant.

Okay, so the first thing is knowing the truth. And I’m not talking about just like any old truth, but I’m talking about the truth of what it takes to achieve whatever goal you’re setting. So this confidence can be, of course, applied to pageantry. But right now a lot of us are setting goals for the new year, and we’re thinking about,  how do I have the confidence to achieve anything that I set? Well, the very first thing you need to know is the truth. The truth about what it’s going to take, the truth about how to get there. And in fact, think about, have you ever had this happen to you, where you were poised with a question like, “Hey, why is the sky blue?” Or something like that. Now, some of you might know the answer of why the sky is actually blue. And so you’re confident because you know the truth.

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Maybe you’ve had this before, where you’ve had a bet with somebody. For example, every year my husband speaks at a real estate conference with 4,000 some people, and  it’s in Vegas every year. A couple of years ago when we were there, he was saying,”Oh yeah, I remember last year when we were at…”  because they change the hotel around every year. And I think he said it was at Mandalay Bay or something. And I was like, “No, no, last year wasn’t Mandalay Bay. It was Planet Hollywood.” And he was like, “Wait, no, it wasn’t. It was definitely…” So he definitely, definitely, definitely thought that it was at Mandalay Bay. And I definitely, definitely, definitely thought that it was at Planet Hollywood. So we were like, “want to bet?”

We bet a massage, an hour long massage for the other, whether it was at Mandalay Bay or Planet Hollywood. I just knew, I just knew that I knew I was right.  But he just knew, he just knew that he was right. We both thought… Now it doesn’t really matter that I happened to be right on that, and I did win the bet. But my point here is that regardless of whether the truth really is the truth or not, your conviction of it is what is so important. That’s why people say fake it till you make it, because they think, as long as you’re pretending that you know the truth, then perhaps you’ll have a shot.

Now, in pageantry that doesn’t apply. Because here’s the thing. You might have all the confidence in the world that by wearing your hair like this, you’re going to win your pageant, or something crazy. I’ve been there before, where I had all types of wild things that I thought was the right way. But I’d realized that I’d been duped, that I had believed an untruth either about myself, about what the pageant expected, or about competition, or just from hearing what goes on, about politics, whatever. And I believed that truth. And so I had confidence in that truth, but it wasn’t the real truth. So the number one thing to having confidence is you’ve got to know the truth.

Now, how do you do that in pageantry? How do you get to the bottom of the truth? Same thing for setting any goal, how do you get to the actual truth of the matter? Well, you could either search for proper feedback. Feedback is when you test something, and then you’re open to understanding what’s the feedback that you’re getting. So you might try to do a thing and you might realize like, “Hmm, based on how I did that, the feedback that I got was not positive. Let me try something different instead.” You got to be open to it, right? But that’s one way of doing it, is getting feedback. Now, you’ve got to get feedback from the right source. Because there are a lot of false prophets out there too. We’re warned about that, that there are a lot of people out there that might be giving you advice.

I mean, think about it. In pageantry, you get advice from everybody and their mom and their cousin, and like everybody who’s ever watched a pageant before, they think they can tell you exactly what you need to do. “Oh, you need to dye your hair blonde.” Or, “Oh, you really ought to grow it really long.” “Oh, you need extensions.” “Oh, you should get a better tan.” “Oh, you should wear the color red.” Right? Do you not get this all the time?

So it’s great to get advice. And I encourage it, because I think it’s feedback. But you’ve got to know how to sort the feedback. The best phrase that I use, I got from a mentor of mine, and it’s just applied in so many ways. It’s that if the feedback applies to your situation, then modify your behavior. But if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. So the easiest way to think of this, if you want to write it down as a mantra on your mirror or something, “if it applies, modify. If not, let it fly!”  And it’s got to be that smooth, that easy. Does this apply to me? No? Okay, moving on. Does this apply to me? Yes? All right, let me implement this. It can’t be like, “Oh, but I wish that…” “Oh, but maybe if…” No, no, no, no, no. Just let it fly or modify, and move on.

So getting the truth, you’ve got to consider the source. Does this person actually have experience with this? Do they actually know what they’re talking about? Do they have a track record of success? This goes with any goal that you are setting, perhaps you are like, “I want to launch my podcast this year. I’ve always wanted to do this, and I want to go for it.” Don’t take some advice from somebody who’s never done a podcast before. Or someone who’s never listened to podcasts before, even worse! You want to consider the source. Where is this information coming from, and does it apply to me? And if so, then modify your behavior or apply that behavior. If not, let it fly. Because what you are actually looking for is sorting for the truth. And the truth is out there. You’ve got to look for it. In any situation, what you are trying to do, you’ve got to find the truth.

So the first thing is, you got to know the truth.Okay, here’s part two. This is the piece that actually is the thing that I’ve found in my pageant contestants that is the make or break for anybody. Finding the truth is one thing. But then you’ve got to actually go all in. You’ve got to apply it. You got to do the work, right?

And that’s the piece that trips people up. Here’s why. Because some of you know the truth, and perhaps you’ve even competed in a pageant before. This has happened to me before, where I competed in a pageant, I knew what I should have been doing. I literally knew what I should have been doing. I knew what the pageant needed. I knew the look that they were looking for. I knew all the stuff, and I made lazy decisions and didn’t do the things. So guess what my result was? I didn’t win the pageant. And when I look back on that, I think what the heck was I thinking? I actually knew what I needed to do. That’s the first step. But now you need to apply it.

And you’ve got to apply it to the extreme, because what a lot of women do is that they understand what they need to do, and then they don’t do it. Then it comes to a month before their pageant, or two months before they’re pageant. And now they’re scrambling, like, “Oh, I have to get all these things down. I have to learn how to do my makeup. I’ve got to figure out my dress. I’ve got to get a legacy project now. Oh, I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to do all of this time and how am I going to pack?” And all of a sudden, you’re overwhelmed.

But here’s the tricky part,  you actually knew the truth the whole time, perhaps. And you just never applied it. You never actually went all in. So now when you step out on the stage, what might have been better was to just be naive and be like, “Whatever, I don’t even know the truth. I’m just kind of having fun out here.” But now you show up with a heaviness, because you realize, actually I knew what to do and I didn’t do it. And that is so much worse.

So, let me encourage you in these two specific things. Number one, find the truth, the real, the actual truth. What actually is going to help you achieve your goals. Don’t just take advice from any old where. Make sure that it comes from a credible source. And then number two, go all in. Once you know the truth, once you know what you need to do, apply it. Just apply it! Just do the things, don’t make any lazy decisions. My trainer told me this years ago, no lazy decisions! You should never make a decision just because you’re being lazy. Decisions need to be because this is what I need to do, or this is what I don’t need to do. This is going to be healthy for me or this is going to be not healthy. Not because you’re just lazy.

Take it from me. This has happened to me. It perhaps has even happened to you. I think lots of us, this has happened to. That’s kind of how we learn, right? But I want to get you there before you end up on stage all on your own, knowing the truth and being like, “Oh crap. I just wish I would’ve done this.” So get the truth and go all in. Because that is how you win a pageant.