173: How to Be More Confident – The 2 Components to Confidence

Today, let’s talk about confidence! Specifically, how you can become more confident preparing for your pageant. So confidence, as you know, is wildly important for pageant women, because in order to win your pageant, you have to be able to portray that confidence. And confidence is actually made up of two pieces, and these two pieces are required in order for you to have the best confidence when you walk out on stage. So in this video, I’m going to share with you what those two specific things are, and what you can do to make sure you get them before your pageant.


Okay, so the first thing is knowing the truth. And I’m not talking about just like any old truth, but I’m talking about the truth of what it takes to achieve whatever goal you’re setting. So this confidence can be, of course, applied to pageantry. But right now a lot of us are setting goals for the new year, and we’re thinking about,  how do I have the confidence to achieve anything that I set? Well, the very first thing you need to know is the truth. The truth about what it’s going to take, the truth about how to get there. And in fact, think about, have you ever had this happen to you, where you were poised with a question like, “Hey, why is the sky blue?” Or something like that. Now, some of you might know the answer of why the sky is actually blue. And so you’re confident because you know the truth.

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Maybe you’ve had this before, where you’ve had a bet with somebody. For example, every year my husband speaks at a real estate conference with 4,000 some people, and  it’s in Vegas every year. A couple of years ago when we were there, he was saying,”Oh yeah, I remember last year when we were at…”  because they change the hotel around every year. And I think he said it was at Mandalay Bay or something. And I was like, “No, no, last year wasn’t Mandalay Bay. It was Planet Hollywood.” And he was like, “Wait, no, it wasn’t. It was definitely…” So he definitely, definitely, definitely thought that it was at Mandalay Bay. And I definitely, definitely, definitely thought that it was at Planet Hollywood. So we were like, “want to bet?”


We bet a massage, an hour long massage for the other, whether it was at Mandalay Bay or Planet Hollywood. I just knew, I just knew that I knew I was right.  But he just knew, he just knew that he was right. We both thought… Now it doesn’t really matter that I happened to be right on that, and I did win the bet. But my point here is that regardless of whether the truth really is the truth or not, your conviction of it is what is so important. That’s why people say fake it till you make it, because they think, as long as you’re pretending that you know the truth, then perhaps you’ll have a shot.


Now, in pageantry that doesn’t apply. Because here’s the thing. You might have all the confidence in the world that by wearing your hair like this, you’re going to win your pageant, or something crazy. I’ve been there before, where I had all types of wild things that I thought was the right way. But I’d realized that I’d been duped, that I had believed an untruth either about myself, about what the pageant expected, or about competition, or just from hearing what goes on, about politics, whatever. And I believed that truth. And so I had confidence in that truth, but it wasn’t the real truth. So the number one thing to having confidence is you’ve got to know the truth.


Now, how do you do that in pageantry? How do you get to the bottom of the truth? Same thing for setting any goal, how do you get to the actual truth of the matter? Well, you could either search for proper feedback. Feedback is when you test something, and then you’re open to understanding what’s the feedback that you’re getting. So you might try to do a thing and you might realize like, “Hmm, based on how I did that, the feedback that I got was not positive. Let me try something different instead.” You got to be open to it, right? But that’s one way of doing it, is getting feedback. Now, you’ve got to get feedback from the right source. Because there are a lot of false prophets out there too. We’re warned about that, that there are a lot of people out there that might be giving you advice.


I mean, think about it. In pageantry, you get advice from everybody and their mom and their cousin, and like everybody who’s ever watched a pageant before, they think they can tell you exactly what you need to do. “Oh, you need to dye your hair blonde.” Or, “Oh, you really ought to grow it really long.” “Oh, you need extensions.” “Oh, you should get a better tan.” “Oh, you should wear the color red.” Right? Do you not get this all the time?


So it’s great to get advice. And I encourage it, because I think it’s feedback. But you’ve got to know how to sort the feedback. The best phrase that I use, I got from a mentor of mine, and it’s just applied in so many ways. It’s that if the feedback applies to your situation, then modify your behavior. But if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. So the easiest way to think of this, if you want to write it down as a mantra on your mirror or something, “if it applies, modify. If not, let it fly!”  And it’s got to be that smooth, that easy. Does this apply to me? No? Okay, moving on. Does this apply to me? Yes? All right, let me implement this. It can’t be like, “Oh, but I wish that…” “Oh, but maybe if…” No, no, no, no, no. Just let it fly or modify, and move on.


So getting the truth, you’ve got to consider the source. Does this person actually have experience with this? Do they actually know what they’re talking about? Do they have a track record of success? This goes with any goal that you are setting, perhaps you are like, “I want to launch my podcast this year. I’ve always wanted to do this, and I want to go for it.” Don’t take some advice from somebody who’s never done a podcast before. Or someone who’s never listened to podcasts before, even worse! You want to consider the source. Where is this information coming from, and does it apply to me? And if so, then modify your behavior or apply that behavior. If not, let it fly. Because what you are actually looking for is sorting for the truth. And the truth is out there. You’ve got to look for it. In any situation, what you are trying to do, you’ve got to find the truth.


So the first thing is, you got to know the truth.Okay, here’s part two. This is the piece that actually is the thing that I’ve found in my pageant contestants that is the make or break for anybody. Finding the truth is one thing. But then you’ve got to actually go all in. You’ve got to apply it. You got to do the work, right?


And that’s the piece that trips people up. Here’s why. Because some of you know the truth, and perhaps you’ve even competed in a pageant before. This has happened to me before, where I competed in a pageant, I knew what I should have been doing. I literally knew what I should have been doing. I knew what the pageant needed. I knew the look that they were looking for. I knew all the stuff, and I made lazy decisions and didn’t do the things. So guess what my result was? I didn’t win the pageant. And when I look back on that, I think what the heck was I thinking? I actually knew what I needed to do. That’s the first step. But now you need to apply it.


And you’ve got to apply it to the extreme, because what a lot of women do is that they understand what they need to do, and then they don’t do it. Then it comes to a month before their pageant, or two months before they’re pageant. And now they’re scrambling, like, “Oh, I have to get all these things down. I have to learn how to do my makeup. I’ve got to figure out my dress. I’ve got to get a legacy project now. Oh, I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to do all of this time and how am I going to pack?” And all of a sudden, you’re overwhelmed.


But here’s the tricky part,  you actually knew the truth the whole time, perhaps. And you just never applied it. You never actually went all in. So now when you step out on the stage, what might have been better was to just be naive and be like, “Whatever, I don’t even know the truth. I’m just kind of having fun out here.” But now you show up with a heaviness, because you realize, actually I knew what to do and I didn’t do it. And that is so much worse.


So, let me encourage you in these two specific things. Number one, find the truth, the real, the actual truth. What actually is going to help you achieve your goals. Don’t just take advice from any old where. Make sure that it comes from a credible source. And then number two, go all in. Once you know the truth, once you know what you need to do, apply it. Just apply it! Just do the things, don’t make any lazy decisions. My trainer told me this years ago, no lazy decisions! You should never make a decision just because you’re being lazy. Decisions need to be because this is what I need to do, or this is what I don’t need to do. This is going to be healthy for me or this is going to be not healthy. Not because you’re just lazy.


Take it from me. This has happened to me. It perhaps has even happened to you. I think lots of us, this has happened to. That’s kind of how we learn, right? But I want to get you there before you end up on stage all on your own, knowing the truth and being like, “Oh crap. I just wish I would’ve done this.” So get the truth and go all in. Because that is how you win a pageant.


172: Pageant Season – A Time to Rest

I want to share with you today some encouragement during the season of rest and I really hope that you are enjoying this holiday season. You know, for me, I enjoy the holiday season from Halloween all the way through the New Year. I love the holidays and I truly believe that it is because I allow myself to embrace this time as a season of rest, and I want to encourage you to do the same!


In the Bible, Ecclesiastes 3, it talks about a time for everything under the heavens.


Ecclesiastes 3:1-8

To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven:
A time to be born, And a time to die;
A time to plant, And a time to pluck what is planted;
A time to kill, And a time to heal;
A time to break down, And a time to build up;
A time to weep, And a time to laugh;
A time to mourn, And a time to dance;
A time to cast away stones, And a time to gather stones;
A time to embrace, And a time to refrain from embracing;
A time to gain, And a time to lose;
A time to keep, And a time to throw away;
A time to tear, And a time to sew;
A time to keep silence, And a time to speak;
A time to love, And a time to hate;
A time of war, And a time of peace.


I truly believe that the same is applied in pageantry, when you want to have the greatest success.


I say this because I truly believe that the Bible is true, and if we believe that the Bible is true, then we can apply those principles to everything in our life. Right? So I often do that in pageantry because I think it’s important to say, “if we use this biblical lens and apply it to pageantry, how might we see things differently?”


You know, I’ve coached a lot of women who feel pressure that they need to be on all the time. That they constantly have to be striving for the next achievement, or moving toward a new goal, or just constantly working and the truth is, that actually we are designed for rest. We are designed to take a break. That’s why on the seventh day, God rested.


We’re intended to have a sabbath. That’s kind of the formal word for regular rest time. Whenever you need to take it. It doesn’t have to be every Sunday or whatever. For you, it could be any time, but I do believe the importance of taking that rest.


So I would encourage you this holiday season to find a time to dance, a time to laugh, and a time to sing! Find time to just rest and soak up all of the things that you’ve worked so hard for over the last year, because pretty soon it will be time to start all over again.


As you know, the energy in January is electric and everyone’s going to be starting their new thing and achieving their goals and going after it. But right now, relish this time to rest and I promise you, just trust that your same self, your same high achiever, high performer self, is going to be there on the other side. But use this time as a time for rest. I know I will be with my family and I hope you will be too!


Merry Christmas!


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124: What Pageant Judges Are Looking For (Top 3 Qualities for a Beauty Pageant)


There is no mystery about what the judges aren’t looking for. They aren’t looking for a self-centered, mean girl who hates people. What they are looking for is a much longer list. We can’t know the entire list of what the judges want in a titleholder (because frankly, they won’t know until they meet her), but there are three specific characteristics that historically win – even if the judges aren’t necessarily looking’ for them.


The good news is: you can communicate all of them if you prepare in a mindful way.


The bad news is: so can everyone else.


The good news is: few women actually take the time to prepare


If you apply the 3 characteristics I’m about to teach you to your pageant preparation, you’ll already be light-years ahead of the competition.




The titleholder must be:
1. Relatable
2. Marketable
3. Engaging


Relatable is the ‘just like me’ quality.

It means that you are a person that has similar challenges, successes, experiences, stories, and qualities that other people have. This is a quality that people trust. They can see all sides of your humanity.


Marketable is the business quality.

It means that linking their pageant to you will attract more of their customers. It’s like Nike hiring a professional athlete vs. a high school piano player. Pageants want to align themselves with women that look, behave, speak, and interact in positive ways with their same target market. This is why platforms, community service, and online presence are so vital to many pageants.


Engaging is the social quality.

It means that you grab and hold attention. The best way to hold attention is through story-telling because there is a natural flow of feelings like taking a ride or watching a movie. If your voice is soft, your energy is low, or your eyes are wondering you won’t be seen as engaging. Pay attention to your behavior when you are with friends, feeling great, and doing something you love – that is your true expression of engagement, let the judges see it!


For some women, these three qualities come naturally. For others, they are learned. But, even if you have the qualities, the work is in preparing yourself to successfully communicate these to your judges throughout your performance. That’s what we do in the Pageant Interview Game Plan.


Don’t forget to click share this with a friend who could use some encouragement and I’ll see you on the next Win A Pageant Wednesday. Love ya lots! kiss


Connect with Alycia:

For more great pageant training, enroll in the Free Pageant Course

123: The Intersection of Business and Pageantry with Business Strategist Amber Lilyestrom (Episode 123)


Amber Lilyestrom is a transformational branding & business strategist, writer and speaker. She is the host of The Soul Fueled CEO™ Podcast and helps entrepreneurs turn their passions in to heart-centered brands and thriving businesses.





Follow Amber Lilyestrom:

Website: AmberLilyestrom.com
Instagram: @AmberLilyestrom
Instagram: @SoulFueledCEO
Facebook: AmberLilyestrom 

Connect with Alycia:

For more great pageant training, enroll in the Free Pageant Course