I wanted to share something with you today that I think can help as you are preparing your platform, specifically, I call it a legacy project. A legacy project is like a platform, but there’s specific things that we do to make it even better. Something that you can actually use to then leverage for your interview, for media appearances, for on-stage questions. It just makes everything so much easier!
I talk about this in chapter four of my book, Create a Powerful Platform that starts on page 77 and the very first insert talks about the six things that you need to know for your pageant platform.
Number five, this has been coming up a lot lately. So this is why I specifically wanted to share this with you. And that is to focus on the light. I’m going to just teach this to you. It’s in the book. So maybe you’ve read this paragraph, but I want to go a little bit more in depth around this. Because it’s something that I think a lot of people make a mistake on and I don’t want you to make this mistake.
Oftentimes, what women do, especially when they’re new to pageantry, is they choose a topic that they want to raise awareness around or educate around throughout their year. But they choose that topic based on the problem that they see in the world. And that’s okay because the problems are so evident in our world, so we see something and we’re like, “Ah, I want to change that. I want to fix that.” And so, oftentimes what women do is they choose the problem. Let’s put the problem over here. Okay. “Here’s the problem. And this is the thing I want to raise awareness about, I want to make a change on.” Or whatever. What I want you to do instead, in order to stand out from all the other women who are focusing on the problem, is I want you to focus on the light.
So what do I mean by that? Well, every problem is kind of like the shadow, right? There’s like a shadow sign in the problem. But what I want you to do is find the light. Where is the hope in that problem? Another way of looking at it is the solution. What’s the solution to the problem? Let me tell you this too, there’s usually many solutions to a specific problem. What we work on together, as your coach, is I help you identify your specific solution to the problem. Something that comes only from your perspective.
So, how do you do that? Well, let’s take, for example, bullying. Bullying is a major problem in our world in many different capacities, at a lot of different levels. Everything from kindergarten bullying, all the way up to workplace bullying. There’s so many and many, many things in between. So instead of just saying, “Oh, I want to stop bullying.” That would be focusing on the shadow side, focusing on the problem by naming it and saying, “Oh, it’s bullying. I want to stop bullying.” What I want you to do instead is, what actually is the solution to bullying? Is it helping people make friends? Maybe it’s just that people don’t know how to make friends. And so, they’re wandering around alone and they feel like the only way to find self-worth is by putting other people down.
What you might say is, “You know what? The best solution to that is teaching people how to find and make friendships genuinely so they can find a fit in the world.” That’s one solution that you might say, for example. Another one might be that maybe there’s a solution that you say that, “Bullying needs to actually be spoken about.” We actually have to figure out, and identify what is bullying and why do we not do that? And so your solution might be four steps to help people understand and combat bullying by identifying it and by choosing a different path or something. That’s the light side of it.
Now, whatever your solution to the problem is, it’s going to come specifically from your individual experience. That’s what makes it so unique. So, while everybody else is out there, like, “Yep. We’re going to combat bullying,” or, “Yeah, I’m bringing awareness to heart disease.” I did that for years. I was like, “Oh, I’m just raising awareness for heart disease.” That’s fine. Because awareness is, I mean, it’s good to know that there is heart disease, but it’s not really solving the problem. We’ve got to solve the problem. So, when I first started in pageantry, I chose heart disease and I was like, “I’m bringing awareness to heart disease and all the problems about heart disease.” And it wasn’t until I got this, it clicked with me, the legacy project clicked, that I was like, “Ah, what if instead of focusing all my energy on pointing out the problem to everybody, if instead I created a solution and I said, ‘This is the solution’?”
That is how for me, Get a Better Body was created, through lots of research. Through lots of personal development and personal understanding and coaching. I discovered, “Ah, this is really the solution. It’s get a better body.” And Get a Better Body was my solution, my light, focusing on the light to answer and address that problem.
That’s what I want you to do. I want you to focus on the light. How can you still address that problem, but from your unique, specific ideas of what your solution can be? That is how you stand out. Because while everybody else is talking about bullying, you will have a specific solution. And that, my dear, is how you win a pageant!
I just finished a photo shoot with two of my amazing friends, and I wanted to show you, because I think this could be really helpful for you to know what to pack for a photo shoot.
So, I’ve got all this stuff here, and I’m going to kind of just show you a little bit about what to pack, what to consider. Because, I’ve just got to say, my photographer said that I was the most prepared person she’d ever shot with. And I was like, “Ah, thank you. I’ve had practice!” I’m going to show you exactly what you need to pack for your upcoming photo shoot.
First, you want to start with your main base outfits. I had two. My photo shoot was two hours, so we did two main outfits, and then we did a ton of accessories and sweaters and other things. So, my two were a simple white tank, and simple gray pants. And then, I had a pink tee shirt and white pants. So, those are my main two outfits.
Once you’ve got that, now you can start to say, okay, what are all the other pieces to put with it? So what I’ve found is that changing your shirt can change the look completely. Adding a scarf or changing a bag or something like that can help, but as you’ll see in my Instagram in the coming days, you’ll see the other posts of these photos, really over the next couple of months. So, you’ll get to see what came of them.
Then, you’ll want to think through additional tops. I brought a gray jacket, which ended up going with a couple outfits and one was white on white. I did a lot of neutrals, top and bottom, and then I did my colors in my sweaters and stuff.
You also want to bring a couple of different shoes.
I brought flats, just loafers, because we were doing a kind of Summer/Fall shoot. I brought high heels in black. Again, neutral. And then, I brought wedges to make it a little bit more casual. And you’ll notice, all of these shoes would’ve gone with any of my outfits. You don’t want to have an outfit that doesn’t have shoes to go with it. Just throw in an extra pair if you need to. And then, you can kind of mix and match.
Then, I brought a few bags. This bag is more of a Wintery kind of Fall-ish look, so we shot this with the gray pants. But, that would’ve worked, of course, with black pants or other things. Another bag we used for a Summer-ish look. And then, I don’t think we ended up using this other bag I took. That was more of just a tote to bring things around.
Okay. Jewelry. You want to bring a lot of jewelry! I have this chocolate box where I just put my jewelry in here because it’s so easy to carry. Okay. I had a few different types of things. I ended up bringing barrettes. We ended up not using them at all. Some watches and bracelets. A bunch of earrings. Bring as many types of earrings as you can! We ended up not using most of them, but some of them, we did. This could’ve worked with a lot of these different outfits. Earrings can change a look, because in a photo shoot, sometimes you’re only going to do upper body anyway. You know? Just swapping out the earrings can change the whole look. You want to bring lots of extra jewelry!
Then, makeup. So, I usually just bring my essential touch up makeup. You definitely want to bring powder, because, you know, you’re going to be working hard so if you get a shine or something. My photographer actually had me add more eyebrow because it had been brushed off with all the changes and stuff. So, we did that. Blush and lipstick. Bring lots of different lipstick colors too, because that can go far.
I also brought a hat. I brought sunglasses. Two different types of sunglasses. Oh, I brought this, my little tumbler with my logo on it. But, we didn’t end up using that after all. But, it was still cute.
I love scarves and I wear scarves a lot, so I brought just a bunch of scarves. Just simply, like if I were to just throw this on with the outfit, it just completely changes the look. Right? And now, with a closeup shot, the look looks completely different. Right? So, anyway. Scarves go a long way.
And then, maybe you’ve seen this on the Home Edit. Maybe you’ve just done this naturally on your own. I never stored my scarves like this before, but the home edit taught me to do these little, I think they call them scarf donuts or something. Anyway. It’s a great way to store them.
Oh, and then I have these hanging things behind me here. One of the things that I thought was a game changer was a blazer! So, I brought just a simple black blazer, and then I brought this green sweater too. But those helped so much because it allowed me to elevate a look, because this is all casual. But then, put on the blazer and boom! Things look different.
Also Belts! Bring a bunch of belts. I only brought this color and, black, and I wished I would’ve had my white belt with me, but I just forgot it. But that would’ve been helpful.
So, that’s what to bring in terms of wardrobe. Now, I’m going to give you three additional tips that I highly recommend. Actually, I got a fourth one too. Four tips. Number one, bring a towel that you can use, or a scarf that you aren’t going to be using, and use it for your change of clothes. So, you know when you take off a shirt and then you put on a shirt, it can sometimes rub over your makeup? So, you don’t want your makeup to get on the new shirt that you’re photographing. You just put the towel over your face, and then you put your shirt on over top of you.
Then, the makeup gets on the towel and not on your new clothes. But, it still can mess up your eyebrows and stuff, so you got to just kind of make it look right. So that’s thing one. Bring a towel. We ended up using a towel to sit on and to wipe stuff off and stuff like that. So, one thing that I’m going to add to my photo shoot list for the future is wet wipes, because a lot of the things that we were sitting on were dusty because it was an outdoor shoot. So, something to think about.
The next thing is to bring a suitcase! I put all this stuff, except for the jewelry and the sunglasses and the hat, those things I put in that bag, but I fit all of this stuff into this little travel sized suitcase. So, when you fit all of this in there, then what’s great is we could drag this around from location to location! So, everywhere that we went in these little nooks, we could just pop everything back in there, drag it to the next spot. So, it made it really easy for wardrobe changes. Then, I could just put it down on the ground, lift it up, dig through whatever it was that I needed, grab what I needed, and head onto the next thing. You know?
Tip number three is to bring some snacks for the crew! We had a photographer and we had an assistant who was basically the stylist. She served as stylist. She made sure that my frizzies were put down. Anytime, if the photographer was like, “Okay, add the sunglasses” and I would go like this, she’d be like, “Okay. Wait. Susan, come over!” And then, Susan would help and stuff and she’s such a dear friend! It was sweet. And she’s a friend!I tried these one earrings on and I was like, “Do these look corny?” And she’s like, “Yes.” I’m like, “Okay. Excellent.” Like, fast decisions. Let’s go. You know? It was so helpful to have her. So, it was great to have somebody like that. Even if the photographer doesn’t have somebody like that on staff, then I highly recommend just bringing a friend that their whole job is to look and make sure that you are looking fab. All right. So that is tip number three. Oh, tip number three is snacks. Okay. Well, that was tip number four.
So, snacks, what I did was, when we got there, I was near a coffee shop, and so I said to the photographer and my friend who, both of them are my friends, but one was serving as photographer and the other stylist, and I said, “Girls, I want to buy you a coffee, so what would you like?” And one wanted a mocha and the other a latte. So, I just bought them coffees. I didn’t have a coffee because I knew that I was going to have to be doing stuff. I was going to be changing clothes and things like that. So, I just had water. But, it was perfect to be able to offer that to them.
I also brought snacks. So, I had a cooler and I put in cucumbers and M&M’s, and you could do carrots or whatever, things that are light and easy to pick at. So, you wouldn’t want to bring a turkey sandwich or something like that. You know? Then, I put LaCroix’s in there and kept them cold because we were going to be outside. It was hot in San Diego.It was a perfect little thing to just have. My shoot was only two hours, but then when the shoot was over, I was like, “Okay, you girls. We didn’t eat our snacks. You want some snacks?” And I sent them with snacks, so it was a good little parting gift.
Now here’s the final tip. Tip yo staff, y’all! So, the quote that she gave me was, I felt it was pretty low for what she was offering me, so I gave her a little bit extra. Remember, I always, always say we enter the gates of Heaven with Thanksgiving.
Enter into His gates with thanksgiving,
And into His courts with praise.
Be thankful to Him, and bless His name.
And that is, when you show gratitude and when you show that praise that you’re able to give people, I just think it goes such a long, long way!
So, tip your staff. I have not yet tipped my girlfriend yet, but that is coming soon. I already did with my photographer, who’s amazing and incredible. If anybody needs a photographer, Southern California, specifically in San Diego, let your girl know and I will make an introduction. She is fabulous. Okay?
So, I’m going to just give you a little look see at the final things, just to remind you what you need.
Yes, yes, yes, my dear, today is the final day to join the Inner Circle! Consider this your fair warning! Jump in there if you have not already, because listen, every single time that I launch the Inner Circle, the day after the cart closes, I get at least one person, if not more… different people every time, it’s not the same girl every time missing it, but someone that directly messages me or emails me or and says, “Alycia, I missed it. I missed the Inner Circle. When are you going to do it again?” And sometimes, I don’t know when I’m going to do it again, like right now, I don’t know when I’m going to do this again. So, now is your opportunity, do not delay! You can go to the link in my bio or winapageant.com/innercircle to get all of the good details and how to join.
I’ve got to talk to you today about how opportunity passes. This is one of my favorite trainings to do during the free week, which we just wrapped up. If you missed that, I’m sorry, opportunity passes. Hopefully you didn’t miss it, because it’s a free week of training, and I do not do it that often, so maybe you can join us for the next one, but you’ve got to learn that opportunity passes. I remember literally like it was yesterday. I remember learning this specific lesson with my dad, who I love and adore, and who has taught me so many wise, wise things.
At that time, I was a senior in high school, but I was competing in a talent show at a nearby community college. And during that time, a dear friend of mine and I were teaching hip-hop classes. Can you imagine? Yes. We were teaching hip-hop classes at a local dance studio, the dance studio I trained at for years and years and years. And my dear friend and I were actually, if you can believe it, we were pretty good hip-hop dancers!
So we put together this routine, and because we taught classes together, we had several counts of eight. If you’ve ever been a dancer before, you kind of know a string of eight counts. As a dancer maybe you have four eight-counts put together, and that is like a certain routine. And so, she and I could name the routine, like, “Oh, let’s do the Britney Spears,” and then we would just know exactly the moves that went along with that specific song, and then you could put it to other songs. We had a ton of fun with this kind of stuff at school dances and things, because a song would come on and we’d be like, “Hey, hey, this fits perfectly, let’s do the, The Missy Elliott,” and then we’d go to town on that one eight count with the song.
So, she and I choreographed a routine specifically for this talent show. And while we were on stage, we had so much fun, but it was hilarious because we were the youngest people. We were seniors in high school, and everybody else was from the community college. But it was so great! The audience was wonderful, they were cheering us on, and we had so much fun, it was just a blast!
So, when we were done with our routine, we sat in the audience to watch the other performers. And shortly after us, this kid came on. I wish I could remember what, but he was playing an instrument or something; I don’t know what the instrument was that he was playing, if it was piano or saxophone or something, but it was just him and this instrument. And the poor kid, God bless his heart, he was probably really an awesome dude and all of that great stuff, but he was bombing on stage! Like, it was just not going well at all. And the whole audience was feeling it. You know how when someone’s struggling on stage, you’re like, “Ohh,” and your heart’s breaking for them? A lot of us in the audience were in the show, so we had just performed, and so we know what it felt like to be on the stage, and to be nervous and all of this, and then someone’s totally bombing.
As all of this is happening, and our hearts are breaking, like, “This poor kid,” we felt so bad for him. People weren’t booing him or laughing, or nothing nasty, but it was obvious he was not doing well. So, my dad is sitting next to me on one side, and my friend Kayli the other dancer, is on the other side of me where I’m sitting.
My dad leans over to me, and he’s like, “Alycia, you and Kayli need to get up on that stage and save this boy.” And I was like, “We what? What?” And I knew what he meant, which was, he knew that we could just pull a dance out of thin air and be like, “Hey, let’s do the, whatever,” and we could just say it, and we would be able to do it. And the audience liked us and stuff, and what he was saying was, “Get up on that stage and do something to dance to this kid’s poor little musical thing to save him, so that he doesn’t feel like…” Because he’s probably feeling it too, you know?
Okay, so he leans over to me, and I was like, “Dad, shh, no, no.” Because why? Well, because, as a little 17 or 18-year-old, I’m sitting in the audience thinking, “That poor guy over there. Oh, wouldn’t it suck to be him? Oh, that poor kid.” Right? I’m not hopping in the pit he’s in just to… You know? I’m thinking, “This could go sour for both of us, then, I don’t think I want to be a part of that.”
My dad leans over again, and he says to me, “You better hurry up. This is your last opportunity.” And I’m like, “He’s right. It would be pretty epic, because this audience is pretty… They kind of liked us, and it would be pretty cool if Kayli and I just… we still had our costumes on. Wouldn’t it be cool if we just hopped up on stage and helped a brother out?” And we could do it; it would’ve been awesome! It would’ve been so cool, and the whole audience probably would’ve roared. They would’ve loved it, they would’ve felt our hearts in wanting to help him, and wanting to raise his experience a little bit so that he didn’t feel like he was all alone up there, choking, you know?
And I didn’t do it. I didn’t do it. I kind of shushed my dad, like, “Stop, stop. Shh.” Because I was scared. I was so scared. I was scared that I would also look bad. I was scared that maybe we would start running up there, and then his piece would be over. I was scared that perhaps people wouldn’t maybe, for some reason, like that. I was scared that maybe he would be mad, that he would blame his bad performance on us. I was scared, scared, scared, fear, fear, fear!
All those fears made me lose that opportunity, and the opportunity passed, and people gave a pity clap to the poor boy, who just, we didn’t see again, actually. He just left; he didn’t stay for the rest of the show, or to see who won or anything, he was like, “I’m out of here.” And in that moment, I realized, “Hm, opportunity really does pass.” That was my moment, and I had all of the skill set for it, I had the courage for it. I actually did have the courage for it; I just let fear get in my way. I had the partner to do it with me. I had the perfect scenario, literally the perfect scenario to make that kid’s day, to just make him feel like, “Okay, yeah, that was good, it turned out to be a great performance,” or whatever. And I didn’t do it. And I learned in that moment that opportunity passes.
Years later, I learned again, because how many people know that if you don’t learn a lesson the first time, it keeps coming back to haunt you, right? Until you finally learn the lesson. This is what happened to me. So, I was competing in pageants, and I specifically remember that I only wanted to compete in one pageant system, because I was like, “I’m just going to get really good at this one system.” I didn’t know what I was talking about. So, I was like, ” I’m not going to do any of those systems.”
And I competed in that one system until I was first runner-up, and then I was first runner-up again, and then I aged out. And you know, when you age out in pageantry, you’re done with that system. You can’t go back and compete in that system again. You have aged out; you’re done. And I aged out. Then in another system, because I was still young enough to compete in another system, I only had one more year in that system. So I competed in that pageant, and I was in the top five, but I didn’t win, and then that opportunity passed. And so, I competed in another system, and it was my last year in that system. Do you see a trend here? I wasn’t learning; I wasn’t learning that opportunities pass, right? And so, I wasn’t really going all in and going for it; I was waiting until the opportunity almost passed me, like, “Well, maybe I’ll wait until the very last moment.” Right?
So, I competed in that pageant. Guess what I placed? First runner-up. Do you feel me at all? Has this ever happened to you, where you’re like, “First runner-up, first runner-up, why is this happening to me? Why do I keep placing first runner-up? What the heck is going on?” Right? I know now what I didn’t know then, which is that I had no strategy, and I also had no clue how people actually selected winners; I just thought that it was, like, the best hair, the best makeup, the best stance, great confidence, being able to talk well, which all of those things I was excellent at, which is probably why I was placing so high, I was first runner-up every time. But I didn’t actually know the strategy that I now teach to my contestants with a legacy project. It’s a whole game plan of exactly what you need to do to get up further and further in your ranking, not just local pageant, state pageant, but national and international. There’s a whole strategy to that that I now know, but at the time, I did not know. And the opportunities kept passing me by.
Finally, years later, I think it was maybe three years later or so, I get a phone call from the pageant that I was most recently first runner-up in, and they say to me, “Alycia, the pageant has extended the age-out,” so instead of it ending at whatever it was, 27 or something, it now was 30. And it was the director telling me, “You are still eligible to compete, this year only. Guess what? It’s your last year.” They had just extended it, it wasn’t like it was the year before, so they just, this year, they said, “Okay, now we’re going to extend it to age 30.” And I was like, “Wait, what? And I just happen to be 30? This is perfect.”
Okay, so I was like, “I’m coming out of retirement, because opportunity passes,” and I was like, “I will not let this opportunity pass me. I am doing it, and I am going all in.” I talked about in an earlier video about confidence, about how you got to know the truth. That’s the strategy. Do you really know the strategy? Do you understand what you’re doing here? And then, you’ve got to go all in! It’s not enough to just know the strategy. You got to actually do the stuff, right? You got to go all in.
That’s when I finally decided, “I’m going all in!” And I did, I went all in on all of the things that I knew exactly how to do. It was a ton of work. Can I just tell you? It was a lot of work. But if it were easy, everybody would be winning, right? You’ve heard that one before. And the truth is, it does require work, and it does require work not just to enter the pageant, not just to do well at the pageant, but to win the pageant. And then, the work continues throughout your entire year of service. That’s why it’s not easy to just win the thing, right? Or else, maybe it is for a pageant that has an easier service. I know for me, early on competing, it was easy to win local pageants because the year of service wasn’t that demanding, so it was… I didn’t have to do that much work, you know, so it was easier to win those kinds of pageants.
But if you are competing in a highly competitive pageant, especially at a state, national, or international level, which I know perhaps you are… Even if not now, you will in the future, right? Because that’s where your brain is, that’s where you’re headed, like, “Yeah, okay, maybe not today, but in the future I will.” Well, opportunity is going to pass you. It’s up to you to decide, “Am I jumping on this train and headed along with it, or am I going to let it just breeze right by?”
And I promise you, opportunity will pass. That’s why you’ve got to seize the moment immediately! I am so proud of the women who have already chosen to join the Inner Circle, because they know, “I am not letting this train pass me by and not hopping on.” That is what I want for you so deeply.
If you know that this opportunity is for you, do not let it pass. Now, you might be saying, “Alycia, the Inner Circle, it’s not for me, and I know for a fact that it’s not.” And that’s fine; then that’s not an opportunity for you. But if you are saying, “Alycia, I really feel like this could be an opportunity for me,” then my dear, do not let it pass, because that… When I was sitting in the audience after that moment had faded, and I thought, “Huh, that was my chance. That was my chance to just have some fun, to let loose, to help that other person, to step fully into what I love to do.” And then I felt it again when I’d aged out, and when I aged out again, and when I aged out again. I continually felt that. It wasn’t until I got that call, and I said, “Actually, yeah, I do know what to do now, and I will go all in,” that I finally won Miss California, because I did not want that opportunity to pass me again.
This is what I want for you. I do not want your opportunity to keep passing and passing and passing. There’s so much time wasted by competing in pageants when you don’t really know what the heck you’re doing. Now, if you’re just doing it for fun, and you’re like, “Ah, but Alycia, it’s just a hobby, I don’t really care if I win, it’s just for fun,” then fine. But it’s highly likely that somewhere inside of you, you’re like, “Mm-mm, no, I actually think that I’m called to win this thing.” Then you need the skill set, you need the strategy. You need the skills, you need the knowledge and education, you need the community of people, and we’ve got that in the Inner Circle, and I would love, love, love for you to be a part of it.
If you want to join us, or if you just want to learn more, go to winapageant.com/innercircle. We cannot wait to be a part of you, to be cheering you on, to be on your squad and your cheer team as you go to compete for your pageant. And that is truly what you need. You’ve got to have the strategy, you’ve got to have the willingness to go all in, and you need to have the people around you to support you, because that, my dear, is how you win a pageant.
Happy New year! I hope that you have set some goals! We’re about a week into January right now, and I am such a big believer in goal setting because I truly believe that setting a goal is like taking the dreams that God has given you and writing them down on paper. And I truly believe that God has given you very specific dreams. You, specifically! Specific dreams to achieve, but it’s your job to now achieve those things. It says in the Bible, he will give you dreams and visions.
He speaks in dreams, in visions of the night, when deep sleep falls on people as they lie in their beds.
“And it shall come to pass afterward That I will pour out My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your old men shall dream dreams, Your young men shall see visions.”
‘And it shall come to pass in the last days, says God, That I will pour out of My Spirit on all flesh; Your sons and your daughters shall prophesy, Your young men shall see visions, Your old men shall dream dreams.
I have a friend of mine, she says her dreams are so vivid and she’s like, “When I have a really, really vivid dream, I write it down.” Like a dream, when she goes to bed at night and she wakes up, she has a dream.
She writes those down because she’s like, “I see those things walking out in my life and it’s just so cool to have seen it already in a dream.” The Bible says that that can happen for many of us. Now God speaks to everybody in different ways. For me personally, it doesn’t always happen when I’m asleep at night that I have a dream, but I do feel a dream. For me, it stirs my spirit. That’s kind of how I feel. In fact, I would love to hear how you hear God’s voice and the dreams that he gives you. So put that in the comments below this video for me because I’m really curious to know how God talks to people. I think it’s fascinating! He talks to everybody in a very different way!
It’s a very personal individual relationship. But I also want to share with you the flip side of that, because I believe that while God gives you these dreams, I actually believe that he does that because he wants to inspire you to chase it. But how often do we receive a dream, a vision of some type, and our spirit is moved towards something exciting and something like, this would be awesome, and get so excited about it- but then the world kind of creeps in and stifles it a little bit? The devil has come to kill your dreams, to steal your joy and to destroy everything that your life is meant to be, and so much more. He’s come to kill, steal and destroy.
The thief does not come except to steal, and to kill, and to destroy. I have come that they may have life, and that they may have it more abundantly.
All of that stuff is what he’s after. God’s giving you this dream and you have so much energy and so much passion around it, he wants you to chase it and we don’t even sometimes know why. In fact, when I was competing in pageants, at the very beginning of my early competition years, I truly felt like God called me to compete in this pageant. I remember specifically I was like, for a fact, God wants me here and I thought it was because I was going to win. I had the most amount of confidence because I was like, “I’m going to win this thing because God said so. He put this dream on my heart and this is what I’m going for!” I did not win that pageant.
I remember thinking back on it, like, why? Why did I not even win? What the heck, God? Come on! I truly felt that if He gave me the dream, it must’ve meant for that specific outcome. But what I’ve now discovered 10 years later is that he wanted me to pursue it because of all of the knowledge that I have that I’m able to now share with you. God needed me to pursue over and over. If I would have just won the first pageant I competed in, then I wouldn’t have learned what I have now, the knowledge that I have now. It took me year after year after year, state after state, system after system after system, to learn all of the knowledge that I have now that I’m able to share with you.
It’s not like I could just win the thing and then still have all of this wisdom to share. So now I see that by God putting that dream on the inside of me and charging me to go after it, by pursuing it, and I pursued it! I did not leave any rock unturned! I was like, I’m really doing this because I felt so called to it and I did it over and over and I lost. And then I would try again and would lose again. I was first runner up and then first runner up and then first runner up. I was first runner up three times before I finally won Miss California. All of those experiences have led me to the wisdom that I’m now able to share with you.
So thank God He gave me that dream that I could pursue it over and over and over again, that that desire was so strong! I promise you, God has given you a dream. I would love to know what your dreams are. What has he stirred up inside of you? Perhaps, even as you’re watching this video right now, you’re thinking or listening to this, you’re thinking, “Actually, yeah, God did give me a dream and I kind of forgot about it,” or “I set it aside because I thought it was too big,” or “I thought it was not going to be something for me, that it was just for someone else to do,” or whatever. Listen, God gives you a dream because he wants you to pursue it. But it is your responsibility to pursue it. You have to. You can’t just let it die.
That’s not what you’re called to do. If he’s given you the dream, he’s not just going to magically … I mean, he could if he wanted to, but it’s highly unlikely because the way that the Kingdom works is that we learn through experience, that it takes time. He’s given us time so that we can use it as a resource. We can learn different things. We can piece things together. We can understand the world differently in our little time bubble that we’re in. If God wanted you to have a thing, he would just give it to you, but really he’s probably less about the thing and he’s more about the experience of achieving the thing, because that is where the real gold will lie. When you go through this experience of achieving the dream, then you’re going to have so much wisdom, so much insight and things that you’re going to be actually able to now contribute to the world.
A gift is not something you receive to keep yourself. Gifts are always given in order to be given away. So when God gives you a gift, it’s so that you can now give it to others. He’s giving you a gift, perhaps of communication, perhaps he’s giving you a gift of love, of thoughtfulness. Maybe you see things about people in ways that you can help them. Maybe he’s giving you the gift of a servant’s heart. All those things are gifts for you to be given away to others, to serve and to help others. So I want to encourage you that God has given you dreams. I know that he has. The Bible tells us, He knit you together in your mothers womb,
You made all the delicate, inner parts of my body and knit me together in my mother’s womb.
And later it says that,
Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart.
And I believe it’s not going to say that unless he gave you the desires of your heart.
He’s not going to give you desires of your heart that are like wackadoo. It’s going to be the things he put in there for you. He wants you to have those things that you desire so deeply, but it’s your job to pursue it. So don’t let things get in your way. Don’t let excuses come up! You got to get around the right people that are encouraging you, that are helping you to pursue those dreams that are saying, “Yes, you can do this, and here’s how.” You got to get the skill set to actually develop it. You’re not just born with all of the skills you’ll ever need to achieve all these great things in your life. No. God is going to position people and resources at the right place at the right time, and it will be up to you to decide if you choose to use it or you don’t, that’s up to you. I would encourage you to get it, to use the thing! Do the thing, do whatever you need to do!
So with that, I want to share with you our free week of pageant coaching! I truly believe that God has called me to this work and this is why I provide this to you. Because I think that this is something that I can give you to give you access to the things that you need to achieve your dream of becoming a title holder. If that is a dream that you are chasing this year, then I want to help. So I’ve got a free week of pageant training coming up for you. We start very soon. So do not delay! You’ve got to register. Even though it’s free, you’ve got to register, so you make sure you get all of the details on how to join us for all the goodies. You can register in the link in my bio. So go to that link now and get registered for the free week of pageant training. I cannot wait to help you achieve your dreams because my dear, not just having the dream, but chasing the dream, that is how you win a pageant!
Today, let’s talk about confidence! Specifically, how you can become more confident preparing for your pageant. So confidence, as you know, is wildly important for pageant women, because in order to win your pageant, you have to be able to portray that confidence. And confidence is actually made up of two pieces, and these two pieces are required in order for you to have the best confidence when you walk out on stage. So in this video, I’m going to share with you what those two specific things are, and what you can do to make sure you get them before your pageant.
Okay, so the first thing is knowing the truth. And I’m not talking about just like any old truth, but I’m talking about the truth of what it takes to achieve whatever goal you’re setting. So this confidence can be, of course, applied to pageantry. But right now a lot of us are setting goals for the new year, and we’re thinking about, how do I have the confidence to achieve anything that I set? Well, the very first thing you need to know is the truth. The truth about what it’s going to take, the truth about how to get there. And in fact, think about, have you ever had this happen to you, where you were poised with a question like, “Hey, why is the sky blue?” Or something like that. Now, some of you might know the answer of why the sky is actually blue. And so you’re confident because you know the truth.
Maybe you’ve had this before, where you’ve had a bet with somebody. For example, every year my husband speaks at a real estate conference with 4,000 some people, and it’s in Vegas every year. A couple of years ago when we were there, he was saying,”Oh yeah, I remember last year when we were at…” because they change the hotel around every year. And I think he said it was at Mandalay Bay or something. And I was like, “No, no, last year wasn’t Mandalay Bay. It was Planet Hollywood.” And he was like, “Wait, no, it wasn’t. It was definitely…” So he definitely, definitely, definitely thought that it was at Mandalay Bay. And I definitely, definitely, definitely thought that it was at Planet Hollywood. So we were like, “want to bet?”
We bet a massage, an hour long massage for the other, whether it was at Mandalay Bay or Planet Hollywood. I just knew, I just knew that I knew I was right. But he just knew, he just knew that he was right. We both thought… Now it doesn’t really matter that I happened to be right on that, and I did win the bet. But my point here is that regardless of whether the truth really is the truth or not, your conviction of it is what is so important. That’s why people say fake it till you make it, because they think, as long as you’re pretending that you know the truth, then perhaps you’ll have a shot.
Now, in pageantry that doesn’t apply. Because here’s the thing. You might have all the confidence in the world that by wearing your hair like this, you’re going to win your pageant, or something crazy. I’ve been there before, where I had all types of wild things that I thought was the right way. But I’d realized that I’d been duped, that I had believed an untruth either about myself, about what the pageant expected, or about competition, or just from hearing what goes on, about politics, whatever. And I believed that truth. And so I had confidence in that truth, but it wasn’t the real truth. So the number one thing to having confidence is you’ve got to know the truth.
Now, how do you do that in pageantry? How do you get to the bottom of the truth? Same thing for setting any goal, how do you get to the actual truth of the matter? Well, you could either search for proper feedback. Feedback is when you test something, and then you’re open to understanding what’s the feedback that you’re getting. So you might try to do a thing and you might realize like, “Hmm, based on how I did that, the feedback that I got was not positive. Let me try something different instead.” You got to be open to it, right? But that’s one way of doing it, is getting feedback. Now, you’ve got to get feedback from the right source. Because there are a lot of false prophets out there too. We’re warned about that, that there are a lot of people out there that might be giving you advice.
I mean, think about it. In pageantry, you get advice from everybody and their mom and their cousin, and like everybody who’s ever watched a pageant before, they think they can tell you exactly what you need to do. “Oh, you need to dye your hair blonde.” Or, “Oh, you really ought to grow it really long.” “Oh, you need extensions.” “Oh, you should get a better tan.” “Oh, you should wear the color red.” Right? Do you not get this all the time?
So it’s great to get advice. And I encourage it, because I think it’s feedback. But you’ve got to know how to sort the feedback. The best phrase that I use, I got from a mentor of mine, and it’s just applied in so many ways. It’s that if the feedback applies to your situation, then modify your behavior. But if it doesn’t apply, let it fly. So the easiest way to think of this, if you want to write it down as a mantra on your mirror or something, “if it applies, modify. If not, let it fly!” And it’s got to be that smooth, that easy. Does this apply to me? No? Okay, moving on. Does this apply to me? Yes? All right, let me implement this. It can’t be like, “Oh, but I wish that…” “Oh, but maybe if…” No, no, no, no, no. Just let it fly or modify, and move on.
So getting the truth, you’ve got to consider the source. Does this person actually have experience with this? Do they actually know what they’re talking about? Do they have a track record of success? This goes with any goal that you are setting, perhaps you are like, “I want to launch my podcast this year. I’ve always wanted to do this, and I want to go for it.” Don’t take some advice from somebody who’s never done a podcast before. Or someone who’s never listened to podcasts before, even worse! You want to consider the source. Where is this information coming from, and does it apply to me? And if so, then modify your behavior or apply that behavior. If not, let it fly. Because what you are actually looking for is sorting for the truth. And the truth is out there. You’ve got to look for it. In any situation, what you are trying to do, you’ve got to find the truth.
So the first thing is, you got to know the truth.Okay, here’s part two. This is the piece that actually is the thing that I’ve found in my pageant contestants that is the make or break for anybody. Finding the truth is one thing. But then you’ve got to actually go all in. You’ve got to apply it. You got to do the work, right?
And that’s the piece that trips people up. Here’s why. Because some of you know the truth, and perhaps you’ve even competed in a pageant before. This has happened to me before, where I competed in a pageant, I knew what I should have been doing. I literally knew what I should have been doing. I knew what the pageant needed. I knew the look that they were looking for. I knew all the stuff, and I made lazy decisions and didn’t do the things. So guess what my result was? I didn’t win the pageant. And when I look back on that, I think what the heck was I thinking? I actually knew what I needed to do. That’s the first step. But now you need to apply it.
And you’ve got to apply it to the extreme, because what a lot of women do is that they understand what they need to do, and then they don’t do it. Then it comes to a month before their pageant, or two months before they’re pageant. And now they’re scrambling, like, “Oh, I have to get all these things down. I have to learn how to do my makeup. I’ve got to figure out my dress. I’ve got to get a legacy project now. Oh, I’ve got to figure out how I’m going to do all of this time and how am I going to pack?” And all of a sudden, you’re overwhelmed.
But here’s the tricky part, you actually knew the truth the whole time, perhaps. And you just never applied it. You never actually went all in. So now when you step out on the stage, what might have been better was to just be naive and be like, “Whatever, I don’t even know the truth. I’m just kind of having fun out here.” But now you show up with a heaviness, because you realize, actually I knew what to do and I didn’t do it. And that is so much worse.
So, let me encourage you in these two specific things. Number one, find the truth, the real, the actual truth. What actually is going to help you achieve your goals. Don’t just take advice from any old where. Make sure that it comes from a credible source. And then number two, go all in. Once you know the truth, once you know what you need to do, apply it. Just apply it! Just do the things, don’t make any lazy decisions. My trainer told me this years ago, no lazy decisions! You should never make a decision just because you’re being lazy. Decisions need to be because this is what I need to do, or this is what I don’t need to do. This is going to be healthy for me or this is going to be not healthy. Not because you’re just lazy.
Take it from me. This has happened to me. It perhaps has even happened to you. I think lots of us, this has happened to. That’s kind of how we learn, right? But I want to get you there before you end up on stage all on your own, knowing the truth and being like, “Oh crap. I just wish I would’ve done this.” So get the truth and go all in. Because that is how you win a pageant.